Junior rival or friend

Junior ... rival or friend ?!

The birth of a younger brother or little sister always becomes stressful for an older child. But stresses are different - some contribute to growth and development, while others become destructive - destructive and traumatic. Our goal is to help the beloved baby to accept his new status and the newborn family member successfully and profitably.

How to prepare the child for the appearance in the family of another baby? Surprisingly,The first and one of the most important tasks will be timely and competent sex education.Of course, literate sex education should be initially, and not only in connection with a new pregnancy.

What does mean? From the first interest of the child about the origin of the children, he can learn that the birth of children is an amazing, magnificent miracle (created by Nature, by God or simply existing as a fact). The fact that children come from the love of mom and dad to each other and are the materialization of this love (you can say that when people love each other, they want to do something extraordinary, wonderful and joyful together! And what could be brighter and more wonderful than such a prat as you are!) - this is a spiritual aspect.And the material: that every baby grows in my mother's tummy and goes through a special hole that existsjust for this (do not create associations with injuries!).

Why should he know all this? Then, that the baby is laid, let him still unconscious, but already reverent and respectful attitude to the emergence of a new life. In addition, the baby always wants love between his parents, so he is kindly and gladly willing to accept everything connected with it. Traditional “sex tales” - about a stork, cabbage, buying in a store or a maternity hospital - create in a child (who believes, by the way !!) a consumer attitude to the appearance of a person: I want to buy it, and I want it - I’ll return it back it is full there!).

The second task will be to adequately inform the firstborn.We tell the child about a new pregnancy - at the very beginning! After all, he also needs a lot of time to prepare. We talk with him about the timing of the birth of the youngest, not necessarily a date, better landmarks - for example, in the spring or when the father has a birthday. We can show him pictures corresponding to the period of development of the baby, and discuss with him the tiny size and the amazing development of a growing little man.You can show on the doll how the baby lies in the tummy, and for a long time to feel together the leg, the head, the butt. The fact is that it is still difficult for the baby to connect the visible round tummy and the real baby with arms and legs; This game will help him to imagine him inside.

The child should know that the expected replenishment will not immediately become a full-fledged partner for the games. There is nothing more disappointing than unrealized expectations! It is much calmer to immediately know that the baby will be helpless and in need of attention and care, but then grows up (quickly enough) and it will be interesting to play with him. For this it is worth suffering.

It is very useful to visit families where children were recently born. It is better to see once, as they say ... :-)

It is necessary to discuss the absence of mother for the time of childbirth with the child, especially if he has never slept without a mother before. Say that a trip to a special place is important for mom and baby to be healthy. The coincidence of stress from the absence of a mother and the appearance of a new baby is traumatic for an older child, so try to make the adaptation more gradual: call the maternity hospital more often, tell the child waiting for you at home about your love for him and let's listen to the newborn babies.

The third task is positioning.A responsible task for a young person is to find their place in a changing family structure. With the birth of the second child, the firstborn changes its role as the only one to the role of the eldest. The child tries himself as a patron and teacher for the younger, and this greatly approximates such a desired adulthood. In addition, in the role of the elder child, there is a growing sense of responsibility for helping the mother and participation in family affairs. It is very important to encourage and stimulate manifestations of adulthood and independence in the baby, but - of course! parental expectations should be adequate (taking into account age, temperament, characteristics, etc.)
It is especially difficult for a child to try on the role of the middle after the role of the younger. The jealousy of the middle one is aggravated by the fact that the role of the “senior and strong” is already taken, and the role of the baby was taken away from him. He needs a lot of attention and help in finding a new decent role in the family.

The fourth task is love and attention!What is jealousy? This is insecurity and the fear of getting less love. Jealousy is a destructive feeling that destroys a child from the inside or splashes out on parents and a “competitor”.But in reality, parental love is limitless and does not diminish one iota when divided into several offspring. It is very important to make it feel the baby. During the entire pregnancy and after the birth of the youngest, you need to tell the child about even greater love for him, about pride in his adulthood and giving him more "signs of love": bodily contact (hugs, kisses, laughing tinkering, etc.); attention (communication; joint activities; time devoted only to him); respect (for his needs, moods, estimates and mistakes).

Where to take so much time and effort? It is not easy, but easier than it seems. Does it take a lot of time to breastfeed? Excellent - it's time to read a book with a senior or just sincerely talk. Junior only fell asleep and want to do something about the housework? Remarkably - we cut a salad together with the elder, a pad of baby clothes or my race for the floor, fun and defiantly - what is not joint activity? At home hassle no time to be alone with a senior? We learn to prioritize, and boldly ignore the unwashed floor in favor of mental health and the normal development of the beloved crumbs.Moreover, it is not for long - the first most difficult months will pass quickly, and mom will have time for all or almost everything. Well, hugs, kisses, talking about everything in the world do not require any special time.

The fifth task is adaptation.All of the above measures will help make the adaptation period easier and calmer, but one should not expect that it will not be at all. In the first few weeks (and maybe months), parents need to be attentive to the behavior and well-being of the older child and respond to the slightest signs of lack of attention and love.

Very often, children start to play “little” - they are asked to breastfeed, hold and carry like a newborn, swaddle, etc. You can’t scold or shame for these games - they are normal. Such a game helps the child to understand the new situation and adapt to it, as well as to stay in the shoes of a younger one, to check whether it is as good as it seems. There is also no need to encourage or pay much attention to these games, the child will quickly understand all the shortcomings of the little one’s position and return to his usual behavior.

In order not to provoke a senior into jealousy and competition,it is important not to confront the children with each other, not to admire the younger one and not to praise him in the presence of the older one and not to emphasize that the mother cannot do something “because it’s small ...”. It is better to use the model “we are together”: “Now we will change the baby’s clothes, and then we’ll get the game you want” or “Our baby is weak and needs our adult help with you…. Let's do this and that for him now. ”

The sixth task is problem solving.If you managed to solve the first five problems, then the sixth case may not be reached :-) How to react if the senior is trying to harm the younger on purpose (it is worth bearing in mind that the child can move research interest, which is not related to jealousy). If an attempt, for example, to strike occurs in front of you, then it will be right to confidently but calmly grab the hand, try to lead away from this place and talk to the child. To scold, and even more to punish - the most unfortunate methods of influence, because they argue the child in the thought that they no longer love him, but only the "competitor".
It is best to start a conversation with the child with the words of love and understanding of his experiences: “I love you very much and I see that you are now upset and offended at the brother”.Then you can say that the mother is very upset when they offend her children: “I will always protect my children from offenders, I would protect him as I would protect you if ... or how then ...”.

If suddenly the behavior of the first child has changed a lot (aggressiveness or, on the contrary, tearfulness, irritability, poor sleep, intense emotionality), then it will be worthwhile to turn to a child psychologist who will help the child and you successfully overcome such a difficult period without loss.

The emotional comfort of the whole family, the normal mental development of the children and the strong friendship between them will depend on the wisdom and patience of the parents. You must succeed.

Junior rival or friend images, pictures

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  • Junior rival or friend

    Junior rival or friend


    Junior rival or friend

    Junior rival or friend


    Junior rival or friend

    Junior rival or friend


    Junior rival or friend

    Junior rival or friend


    Junior rival or friend

    Junior rival or friend


    Junior rival or friend

    Junior rival or friend


    Junior rival or friend

    Junior rival or friend


    Junior rival or friend

    Junior rival or friend


    Junior rival or friend

    Junior rival or friend


    Junior rival or friend

    Junior rival or friend


    Junior rival or friend

    Junior rival or friend


    Junior rival or friend

    Junior rival or friend


    Junior rival or friend

    Junior rival or friend


    Junior rival or friend

    Junior rival or friend


    Junior rival or friend

    Junior rival or friend


    Junior rival or friend

    Junior rival or friend


    Junior rival or friend

    Junior rival or friend


    Junior rival or friend

    Junior rival or friend


    Junior rival or friend

    Junior rival or friend


    Junior rival or friend

    Junior rival or friend


    Junior rival or friend

    Junior rival or friend