Now parents are most concerned about the future of their child. The questions "who will he be by profession", "what will be his income", "whether he can buy an apartment" come to the fore.The present is ignored, because by and large, in the present parents should be worried about something else: “what does my child feel”, “what difficulties does he have”, “how can I support him right now and calm him down”.
Emphasis is placed on the future, and since the child is still unable to build his future due to his age, the parents take over this difficult task. And they begin to plan the future of their own child themselves, as they see it, not paying attention to what is happening now. And in their own offspring cultivate codependency, which becomes a real scourge of modernity.
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The feelings of the child are ignored, his needs are leveled.“What do you want to play? - the mother of a three-year-old baby asks, “you have English”! All these requirements are not age-appropriate, these unjustified expectations, do not give the child the opportunity to be themselves. He gets used to hiding his feelings, not paying attention to them and eventually learns to ignore them.«It doesn't matter what I feel, the main thing is to please another "- the credo of socially dependent people.
Controlling someone else's life is much easier than managing yours. But make an effort over yourself, do not instill in your child that he is a mediocre and cannot do anything himself. Let him choose where he can do it without compromising health.
Code dependency is always spawned by adults. Suggestion that only they know what the child needs. The belief that the child can not cope without them. Without giving freedom of choice, constantly imposing my own “I know how it will be better for you,” parents form the setting: “you yourself cannot cope with any business, you always need support.”
How will this affect in the future? Sozavisimyh people can not build high-quality interpersonal relationships. Their relationship is not based on love, but, as psychologist E. said.Fromm, on the neurotic need to cling to someone in search of the illusion of protection. They are sure that it is necessary to please the partner, to agree with him in everything and to avoid confrontation - after all, in childhood he was inspired to co-dependent that these were his main virtues. First, the partner likes it, then he begins to feel some kind of artificiality, he distances himself. Codependent decides that it is not trying hard enough and reinforces non-constructive behavior. As a result, people part with the conviction that “they are all like that, they don’t appreciate what is good, they don’t appreciate” and “they are ready for anything, just to ring”.
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At work, co-dependent people are afraid to put forward their own ideas, they are constantly looking for the support and approval of their colleagues and superiors. Generated women cannot resist sexual harassment because they have been taught not to pay attention to their own feelings. More arrogant and self-confident comrades often use the labor of co-dependent colleagues, passing off their ideas as their own and receiving sweet bonuses in the form of promotions and bonuses.
Dear parents, if the picture of such a psychological future of your child seems to you bleak, but begin to act now. Stop living for a child his life! Of course,controlling someone else’s life is much easier than managing your.But make an effort over yourself, do not instill in your child that he is a mediocre and cannot do anything himself. Let him choose where he can do it without compromising health. Allow him to disagree with you and not be afraid to be punished for it. Let me jump, run and explore the world not through the prism of trips to the mall, but with my hands. Ask him about feelings: what he likes, what does not; who offended, with whom friends. And do not confuse love and care! Love is an emotional thing, and caring is material. Studying in a good school, tasty food, good clothes is a concern. The child (especially children and younger students) need more love: kisses for the night, recognition of his success (albeit small), praise, reading tales aloud.
Do not fall into neurotic fear, who will grow your child, if you do not finish the prestigious gymnasium. First, it’s still impossible to plan the future of your own child for 100%. Secondly, a person with a strong nervous system, resilient and confident in life will not disappear.Also help you.