> >What is happiness and how to become happy after all
Writer and entrepreneur Mark Manson (Mark Manson) wrote an article about what happiness is and how to become happy after all. We believe that there is definitely something in this.
If you constantly try to be nice, you will never be that way. If you are trying to be happy, you will never be happy. Perhaps the biggest problem is that people are trying too hard.
Happiness, like other emotions, is not what we get as a reward, but what we live with. When we shout at a mischievous neighbor, we do not hesitate to get angry. We do not think: “Oh, did I finally get angry? And I wonder, am I right? ”
The anger just appeared, and then disappeared. For a while, you lived with anger.
Happy does not ask if he is happy. He just lives like that. Happiness works just like other emotions. It can not be bought, you can not just take and reach. It appears when we put life in order.
Most people accept pleasure as happiness: tasty food, interesting movies, the perfect body. The market says: buy this shampoo, and you will certainly become happy with such luxurious hair.
But this is not the same thing: pleasure is connected with happiness, but it is not its cause. Ask the person who put on a diet, trying to look like a million, he will confirm.
If you direct all forces to receive material pleasures, you will eventually become more nervous and much less happy than you could. Pleasure is the most primitive form of getting a buzz from life and the simplest. The market offers it wholesale and retail, and we are led.
Yes, pleasure is necessary, but this is not enough for happiness.
Happiness low expectations
A popular fairy tale: supposedly people are unhappy, because they grew up with a belief in their own uniqueness and ability to change the world in a big way. And when suddenly it does not work, we feel like nobody. Recipe: Lower the bar and you will be happy. Sorry, but people are a little more complicated.
For example, my friend recently lost a business where he invested more than half of his savings. But today he is happier than ever, because he has experience.He could not do what he wanted, but he found a new, adorable job. He is able to look back and be glad that he decided to take a risk, because otherwise he would have asked himself all his life: “What if I had been then? ..” That would make him more unhappy than failure.
The fairy tale about low expectations is built on the old myth that happiness comes from outside. Yes, you can be happy and without a salary of one hundred thousand dollars, but nothing prevents her from wanting.
So you want to health without denying yourself anything. Let you have a kilometer-long list of desires, let your land crack under your feet, because then something surprising will sprout from the cracks.
Happiness to be positive
Most likely, you have such an acquaintance: working at a terrible job, in his personal life a mess, with health problems. But he smiles in all 32 teeth and is always positive.
Surely this is one of the most disadvantaged people in your environment. He denies negative emotions, and as a result, he suffers even more and breaks emotionally.
Let's take a simple thing: trouble happens. Everything goes wrong, we make mistakes, and we feel bad. This is normal. Express feelings, but do not go too far.For example, I am against physical violence, but when a neighbor got me, I screamed at him.
Being always on the positive is just as abnormal as seeing only shit around and nothing else. I think that the rejection of pain is also the intrigues of the market: we were inspired that negative emotions mean that something is wrong with us. And we rush to buy substitutes to drown out the pain. And in fact
Happiness is the path to the ideal self.
Run a marathon cooler than eating a chocolate cake. Raising a child is more interesting than playing video games. Starting a business with friends is more fun than buying a new computer.
And the funny thing is that all three examples are, in fact, very unpleasant. They demand to raise expectations to the skies, but they are perhaps the most significant things in life. They are associated with struggle, pain, sometimes even anger and despair. But as soon as the goal is achieved, we remember everything with warmth and love.
Why? Because these things allow us to be one step closer to the ideal for ourselves. This endless way gives us happiness no matter how much pleasure or pain we get in the process.
Attempts to be happy inevitably backfire.If we are “trying”, it means that we are dissatisfied with ourselves, but at the same time we do not equal the qualities we want to see in ourselves.
Happiness comes when we decide what we want to be and go along the chosen path. The need to struggle to be happy is no longer necessary.
That is why happiness is so fleeting: we are always perfect a few steps ahead. It seems that only a hand reach out - and here it is, I am perfect, but no: you dream of being a musician, and when your hits are played on the radio, you already want to write movie soundtracks, and then in general scripts.
It is important that we are moving day after day, year after year towards our goals. And the path never ends.
So how to still be happy? I can give one piece of advice: choose what you want to become, and take a step in that direction. Come up with a big dream and - go ahead.
The end result is not that important. Dreams - this is just a tool to tear the ass from the chair. In principle, it does not even matter whether they come true or not. Live. Just live. Stop trying to be happy and start just being.