Boris Cyrulnik (Boris Cyrulnik)- the famous French psychotherapist, ethologist, founder of the direction of research on the ethology of man.
What has changed in society’s view of parenting today?
Boris Cirulnik:“We have moved from the Oedipus culture to the Narcissus culture.” In other words, from a society that values self-sacrifice, to a society that values self-realization. Thus, now the child is told not “When you grow up, you will become like a father, or you will become a mother like a mother”, but “You have only one life, and this is the main thing. It is necessary for you to succeed in it, for you to master a profession in which you could self-realize, for you to give birth to children if you want, but not too many, so that they do not drive you crazy. ”
Will the lives of those raised in this way be happier?
- Narcissus is happy, this is happiness ... for the first time. But according to the myth, Narcissus drowned, but in reality we see terrible narcissistic wounds appear.I remember one young patient, brilliant and beautiful, who told me: “I am worse than shit!” Because I did not enter the pedagogical institute.
Do young people need unhappiness to be realistic about themselves?
“Testing is not a misfortune — that is the condition for gaining identity.” It is necessary for self-knowledge. It is for this reason that trials for initiation rituals have been invented in all cultures. In our time, they have disappeared - and I think that the reason for the trouble of the young is precisely in this, at least in part. Drugs, alcohol, fights of football fans after matches - not only bullies indulge in all this. These are young people who die of boredom and are eager to find tests for themselves. In poor countries, you will not see such risky manifestations, but in our everyday culture all of these are ways to compensate for the lack of rituals that were previously offered by society.
Are there safer ways to assert yourself?
- Our society must invent new (and not stupid - neither war, nor sadistic hazing is not necessary) the rituals of admission to the group. Americans are trying to find them again: they arrange a ceremony in which a young man stands on the table, tells what he has done, throws his hat, etc.This is a simple ceremony, and yet for these young people, time is divided into before and after.
Does this mean that society should encourage citizens to abandon personal comfort?
- The pursuit of happiness and comfort is an obvious, indisputable progress. To risk is to no longer want this comfort. In a society where there is no respect for risk, where from the age of 18 people think about retirement and strive to be protected from all sides, anxiety develops in people in a paradoxical way: anxiety loss. And it begins with the fear of losing its benefits in favor of other people. Of course, we cannot wish for the value of “sacrifice” to return and no one else cares about self-realization. We can only wait and see what the next “crisis” offers us.